#IfICouldTurnBackTime

"If I could find a wayyyy"... If you didn't immediately started to sing the next line to Cher's big hit, you probably aren't old enough answer this blogs key question!

If you could go back to ANY age, which would you pick?

Question: If you could go back to any year you've been alive, which year would you pick and why?

Choices... Choices... Options... Alternatives!

I have 41 different years to choose from, so this question took me a hot second. I had so many years where the absolute coolest stuff happened, but then it was an overall shit show of a year, so I couldn't pick that one! Alright, I'd have to say 21! Let me explain all I had going on at 21 years old:

I was a single Mama to 2 girls; Alexia 5, Selina 3. I was a full time college student, determined to graduate and take over the Art History world (it wasn't until about 23 that I realized there's need to be a new plan if I wanted to pay any bills!) and I was waitressing/bartending at a Strip Club on the weekends, and I worked at Bank of America part-time (uhhh 60% employee tuition reimbursement FTW!)! I was a total gym rat, worked out twice a day - but I ate like crap (Can I get an AMEN for that 21 year old metabolism!?). I had only been in 2 serious relationships up to this point, Alexia's Dad for 5 years (14-19) and then Selina's Dad for almost 2. I literally broke up with #1 on a Monday and met #2 on Wednesday - OYE! Even though both those relationships didn't work out, OMG I loved the Holy Moses out of them both and had these beautiful daughters to show for it. So, 21 was the first time I was single, out there living for the dream! Alexia's Dad had real heartbreaking struggles with addiction all thru her childhood, so he was in and out of rehab and not really present in her life. Selina's Dad moved to Iowa to chase his love of basketball with a college that awarded him a scholarship - but I got SO blessed, because his family really defined what FAMILY was for the girls and I - they took us in as their own, there was never "step" or "half" anything, Alexia considers her Grandparents the same as Selina's to this day. Selina's Dad knew Alexia before Selina was even born, so he was really instrumental in her life growing up. He never had Selina without Alexia, they were a package deal in all things, they're both grown and live together in LA now - and I really give a ton of credit to Selina's Dad for always filling the gap without even thinking twice. Up until the girls were in High School, and I had to move to the East Coast for a job opportunity - we had never been in a court room - the girls really determined our parenting schedule, which is awesome security for kids to know both parents put them first. Looking back, it amazes me that we were taking on all that responsibility at such a young age.

All of that is great, but the other reason I LOVED 21 was that I was MOTHER EFFING FEARLESS!!! If I woke up on Monday and wanted to do something, go somewhere, be something - IT WAS DONE BY FRIDAY! I had no understanding of rejection, failure, loss, risk... Every goal was 10x bigger than any fear attached to it back then, and I was young and naive - so fear wasn't a factor! The more you gain as the years go by, the more you fear to lose is the risks taken don't produce results. All it takes is that first sting of rejection to throw a new level of trepidation in all future ventures.

If I faced all that I faced at 21, now at 41 - I don't think I'd get out of bed for 10 days I'd be so scared to fail. At 21, it was just me & Alexia & Selina taking on the world! So simple, and so much fun!

One of the coolest things ever for me as a parent, is watching Lex & Sel go through their 20's and experience life in a totally different way that I did. No kids, just out there in the world focused on themselves and their pets HAHA

I've been truly blessed, even in the hardest years, I've been so incredibly lucky to always fail forward, with the Universe safety net always there to catch me!

Ok, so I want to know what year YOU'D go back to???

xo Carrie