#Haters

Allllright Wilma, this is a topic I tread lightly on because, honestly, I could care less about 'em. Life is all about balance, so you have to have the good with the bad. The good only looks good because we have the direct comparison of the bad. So I am okay living in a world of haters, because they only make me more grateful for the lovers!

Also, I understand the role of the #Hater and I get what motivates them, so I have never really taken #Haters all that seriously.

But then I thought about how many conversations I end up having with friends who deal with #Haterade on micro and macro levels - and it just felt right to chime in here and give my take.

Now, before I jump in the muck here - I have to give you some background on why my skin is so damn thick to those #HaterDarts .

2 words for ya: Radio & Television...

I can't think of many things that will strengthen your self assuredness like a public career. Any career where people can launch attacks from behind a phone, TV or computer - Ohhhh, Buckle up Buttercup. Nothing brings the #Haters out like the opportunity to be critical & cruel anonymously. My voice, my hair, my skin color, my single mom-ness, my ethnicity YOU NAME IT - I got attacked for it. From a super young age, too.

For my first couple years in radio, I read every comment, listened to every voicemail and ready every email. I paid attention to it ALL! You could compliment me 100x a day and I'd brush that off so I could focus on the one person being critical. And I'd sit and stew on it, and replay the words said for hours. And then I realized a few things that have stuck with me to this day... Haters have the exact same behaviors as your biggest fans. Haters are literally Lovers, they're just confused.

One of my favorite quotes, hold true to this day "The opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference." and that's core of what I'm going to share with you. I want you to notice a few common things I've noticed about #Haters, let me know if your #Haters have any of these characteristics...

1. Most #Haters pay an excessive amount of attention to you. They have to. I mean, how can they find things to be destructively critical of you over - if they don't know all the things you're doing? They follow your social media accounts, they read your blogs, they relentlessly question your friends, family and even your kids if they can. They are so invested in their obsessive hatred of you, they have to fuel it with all the latest greatest info on you - so they are ON YOUR JOCK....

2. They befriend your "enemies" or anyone who dislikes you. Think of all the "I Hate ****" Facebook groups out there. People brought together by their mutual hatred of someone or something. In those groups, ALL THEY DO is talk about the thing they hate. That's all they do. They come together to get their fill of you because, again, they're your biggest fans. They just don't know it. Therapists call it a "Trauma Bond" but basically, you can't go all that long obsessing over someone who doesn't know you exist unless you get around others who can help fuel your hatred obsession. It's like a dysfunctional voluntary PTSD group. Just keep lighting that hater fire, so they can focus more on you than their own self hatred.

3. No matter what you do, they can NEVER give positive credit. They get annoyed if they have to be around anyone who likes you or dismisses their hatred of you. They will dig as deep as humanly possible to find the sliver of negative in your positivity pie - because acknowledging that you are good means they have to look at themselves and self access - and that's their greatest fear.

But here's the thing, and this is why I've just never cared what #Haters do or say. More often than not, I'm flattered by them and here's why:

To be critical of me, or my life - you have to be paying EXTREME attention to me and my life. I'm a First Born, Alpha Female, Ego-Driven Scorpio - we love the fuck out of some attention. So for me, I have never really cared if the attention was positive or negative because the ROOT of that attention is, you're watching my every move. If you comment that I don't eat healthy, that just tells me that you are paying extreme attention to what I'm eating and that's adorable and pathetic at the same time because I don't even pay attention to what the people I DO care about eat! If you call me fat, that just tells me that you are paying a lot of attention to my actual body and human nature tells me that we don't pay attention to bodies that we aren't attracted to. I mean, when's the last time you looked at someone who physically disgusted you and said "I'm going to come back several times over the next 2 years to look at that as often as possible?!"

Nope. Doesn't happen.

Do you remember being a kid with a sibling and complaining to your parent "She won't stop staring at meeeeee!"

I'm going to bet money your parent responded just like every other parent, "You can't see her staring at you if YOU AREN'T LOOKING TOO!"

I know it's tough to flat out ignore a #Hater especially if you are wired and motivated to engage them so you can try to prove them wrong. But the best advice I can give you is, take your eyes off them and you will literally have no idea they exist. Like a horse in a parade - blinder's on baby, focus on the path and let the sideshow do whatever it does!

Afterall, for anyone to even attempt to pull you down - they have to already be below you :)

xx CM