#FailHard&FailOften

Man... This is really hard topic for me to address.

I've been avoiding it for a week now.

It's just been sitting in my drafts like "Hey Boo! I'm ready when you are!"

Ughhhh...

Failing at something you had your heart set on ----> SUCKS.

There's really no way to sugar coat it (in the moment).

Failing SUCKS!

But it's SOOOO good too. Failing is quite possibly the best thing you can do with your life.

I'll explain that in a bit - follow me here for a minute - this diatribe requires some backstory!

I consider myself a recovering hyper competitive individual, which just basically means I was obsessed with winning to an unhealthy degree. It also means you have attached your self worth to "winning" so failing totally throws your whole shit into a tizzy! If you believe winning makes you worthy, think about what losing makes you - so you can see the quandary this mindset created for me over the years.

You know it's bad when you have to go to actual therapy for your "Competitive Issues". That's not a joke.

I literally walked into my therapists office 8 years ago and asked him to help me "work on not wishing death upon people who beat me at things" HAHAHA that's exactly what I said, and you should have seen his facial expression.

Back in the day, If I lost at something I would refuse to speak to the person who beat me and hold a decades-long grudge. I'm tellin you, it was bad.

My 41 year-old self laughs now, but damn, my 21 year-old self was DROP. DEAD. SERIOUS about it!

One of the biggest shifts I made was this whole Scarcity Mentality I carried. This myth that there was only "so much" success and prosperity in the world. If someone else got it, that meant there was less available for everyone else, including me. If you talk to any of my childhood friends, they will tell you I have always approached a goal with the most extreme intensity, I wouldn't sleep. I wouldn't eat. Nothing got done until that goal was hit. From the outside, it looked like "Whoa that girl is unstoppable when she chases after something". But what they didn't know - I was fully convinced that if I didn't get it someone else would! Absolutely fear based motivation. That's NO way to live. You end up being so exhausted and there's no joy in those wins at all. You have a moment of relief and then your ego is right back to obsessing over the next goal.

Also, you totally miss out on the joy of celebrating other people's wins! Oh man, that's just about the best part of life - seeing other people win and knowing there's enough success in the Universe for EVERYONE to be a Zuckerberg!

See that simple shift? Going from seeing another person win and letting it INSPIRE you - as opposed to seeing another person win and allowing it to

---->I know exactly where it started.

I was raised by 2 parents who were supreme GO GETTERS. Good Lord, nothing stopped them from accomplishing a goal, not even marriage :) They split when I was in Middle School, but the seeds were definitely planted early on. I've never known a time when either of my parents have had only had 1 career TO THIS DAY...

Take note - I didn't say 1 "job"..

I said never just 1 career.

They both had 2 or 3 actual full-blown careers - 90-100 hours a week total. My Mom was a Regional Exec for Estee Lauder and a full time hair stylist most of my life, then when I hit Middle School she launched her own home design & crafts boutique. My Dad has been a Financial Advisor my whole life, and a HS Softball coach. Growing up he was an NCAA Basketball Ref & he's been a House Flipper (way before it was popular on HGTV) as long as I can remember... Well, since my sister and I were old enough to do all the yardwork and demo clean-up for every house he renovated... Like I said, I come from a long line of over-fucking-doers. The upside to all of that is BY DEFAULT you're a little go-getter child. A little robot go-getter achiever machine! I mean, can you imagine growing up thinking all these adults with "just one job" were major slackers, LOL?! The downside is, you end up in a very "performance based" worth/value mentality which leaves a kid feeling like love/praise only come when you DO SOMETHING spectacular... Not just for being who you are in your underwear chillin on the couch watching Nick @ Nite...

It should come as NO shock to anyone that I went into a very public career path, with my face all over giant billboards and my voice all over radio airwaves. When that wasn't enough, I started hosting local TV shows!

Would you believe that most of my 20's I felt like THEEE biggest loser ever. I'm embarrassed to admit it, but I was DEAD SET on following Oprah's career - so I woke up every day feeling SUPER stressed because I was so behind the ball on that singular goal! Then I saw an interview Oprah gave in 2000, where SHE SAID she had obsessively modeled her career after Barbara Walters - until she realized there was ALREADY a Barbara Walters so she needed to focus on being the best Oprah she could be!

But here's the kicker: I was the absolute most miserable I have ever been in my life. At the height of it all, I was the lowest. I was winning that competition against everyone who told me I couldn't achieve certain things, oh I was crushing that aspect of things. But I had 100% lost myself. LOST MYSELF!!

When you are terrified of failing, you take every opportunity that crosses your path because it LOOKS successful. You'd think it would be the opposite, the fear of failing would cause you to REFUSE to go for anything - but couple that with ones incessant need to WIN and BA-BAM -- you end up chasing every goal you THINK other people want.... And you slowly lose track of who the heck you really are.

Ok so this is the part where I explain that FAILING is so epic... The bigger the failure the better, baby!

When you really tap into who you are, authentically.

When you really listen to that inner voice that points you toward THEEEE most absurd goal - that you just KNOW everyone is going to laugh at you over.

When you realize that going after that crazy challenge means you could lose it ALL and drop kick you out of that sweet comfort zone you've been chillin in...

Your authentic calling is NEVER simple either. It's not like anyone is kept awake at night with dreams of paying bills till they die. NOPE!

This magical thing happens.

That goal becomes SO MUCH BIGGER than whatever lie the story of Fear tries to sell you.

That's not even the best part tho...

If you're on the ground floor, with this insane goal of getting to the penthouse... And you "only" end up making it to the 10th floor WELL HOLY BALLS, FRIEND - you're 10 freaking stories higher than when you started!! And I'm certain you have one hellova story to share about the journey up there, full of mistakes and lessons and successes!

Failing BIG means one thing, and one thing only ---> to the people who matter....

It means you TRIED BIG.

You are the stuff that legends are made of, my friend!

You saw the fire, felt the flame AND STILL YOU CHARGED INTO IT!

Detach yourself from the fear of failing and LEAN INTO IT!

Embrace The F! Race towards it, actually.

I have to tell you, my biggest blessings (one of which is a 75 pound adorable maniac 3rd grader who is HANDS DOWN the love of my life) have come from my biggest failures ( 2009 was a banner year of HORRIBLE dating decisions for me. I will blog about it one of these days, and you will die of laughter because it's a doozie of an embarrassing tale) and my greatest lessons! I wouldn't be who I am today without those lessons. I wouldn't have the gifts I do now without those trials and obstacles.

It's all thanks to failing.

Walk out that front door and welcome all the FAILS, knowing that even when you fall short you WILL end up further ahead than you started!

At the end of the day, I'm way more accepting that people will call me the biggest failure of all times... Than I am of them calling me the girl that never tried!

xoxo C.Mo