#CarrieOn

So, here I am - firmly planted in my 40's by a smooth 19 months now, and something funny happened to me.

Something I wasn't all that prepared for, but I welcomed it nonetheless...

And listen, I've looked high & low. I've searched far & wide -- But I CANNOT find the fucks to give about what other people think of me. Not another second of it!

Now, I'm not talking about loving caring individuals who genuinely want to see you be your best, and do your best. Those folks are SAFE and totally awesome to listen to when they stop down to fill your heart & build you up.

I'm talking about all the birds that chirp around you, assuming and "opinionating" and commenting on the fragment of your life they observe and make judgments on...

I always joke that those folks make a whole sushi roll with one grain of rice.

It's totally natural to feel this deep need to prove people wrong, defy the odds they've placed on you. Use their criticisms as a motivation - "I'll show them!" is the mantra of my 20's & 30's...

But here's the thing: I've lived long enough to learn a few VERY key facts about those chirping birdies. If they were busy tending to their own nests, caring for their own baby birds and going over migration plans for their own journey's - they'd never have enough time to watch what you do, let alone find the time to make a critical assessment of you. People who are winning. People who are successful and fulfilled, naturally want to lift others up where they are. So if someone is making an effort to pull you down - THINK before you take it personal. People that pull you down, BY DEFINITION are already beneath you... They can't unhook their own anchors - so the next best thing is to pull you down with them.

I had a very profound week. These last 5 days have really shown me just how far I've come and how much I've grown... I tend to be like a caterpillar, slow and steady until I sprout those wings, look back and see all the miles you've flown. The Universe gave me a test, one I would have failed with flying colors a few years ago. Someone popping up to pick you apart, with their clear list of every way you have ever fallen short of perfection in their eyes. I had the opportunity to defend myself, give a laundry list of reasons why their idea's of me were inaccurate an unfounded, I had the chance to tell them all the ways I saw fault in them, fire back that same negative energy. I did neither. Instead, I apologized for every single criticism they had of me. I explained to them that I always try to do my best, be my best - and if my shortcomings have hurt them in any way, I'm really sorry. They told me alllllllll the ways I should be. How I should act. What I should be doing. I listened intently and then I explained to them that if I'm every horrible thing they say I am, why would they have these impossible expectations of me? The 2 don't fit. You see, if words are like weapons, I opened my chest and dropped my weapons and told them to "Fire Away".... If I'm as bad as you say I am, what sense does it make for you to invest all this time and energy in being frustrated day in and out with how I fall short of your expectations?? Well, they gave up and here's why... It's not fun to kick someone who doesn't react to the kick. Who doesn't battle back. It takes 2 people to fight or have conflict. If you disengage, give them what they came for and keep it moving, they're left totally stunned and powerless.

Now here's where turning 40 really helped me becoming colorblind to whatever color these camouflaged Fucks are hiding...

Just because someone says something about you - DOES NOT MAKE IT TRUE. They don't make this list of all the things broken with Carrie, and fly the list up to Heaven only to have God go "Welp, they wrote this list of all the things wrong with Carrie so it all must be true... CARRIE ANN IS OFFICIALLY BANNED FROM THESE HERE PEARLY GATES!"

I spent a good 2 decades KILLLLLING myself to get people who were NEVER going to see the value of me - into finding me valuable!? I was like a roach in a nuclear bomb test... They kept bombing and I kept getting back up, scurrying along with that "Can't kill me NO SIR!" attitude.

Nowadays, I'm like "Oh, you think I suck at life and I'm a loser? Well, you said it so it must be correct - You should stay far away from my loser juice, its contagious after all!" #PeaceOut

And I do what I have always done. The same thing you are doing as well. We #CarryOn . In my case, it's #CarrieOn. We make mistakes, totally screw things up, hit a brick wall -- and we re-route. Change course with the new information we've gained, and try to do better. That's all we can do. Don't be mistaken, NO ONE out here has all the answers. We are all flying blind. We are all just faking adulthood. We are all in grown up clothes pretending to be grown-ups. There's no official rule book. No atlas. Just out here like little Helen Keller navigators, flying blind and embracing every minute of it...

Love & Many Fucks Given..

xoxo C.Mo