#BeLikeElsa #LetItGo

Don't you love a good story that starts with "Back in 1989..." Haha! That's usually a clue to grab a seat and get comfortable, its gonna be at least 12-19 minutes before the story even approaches Y2K :) But hey, all the best stories take some time getting to, so calm your tits and bare with me here, mmmkay!

My teen years were a hot mess disaster. I went from Huxtables to Sanford & Sons within a matter of 6 months - Dysfunctional parents, child of a high conflict divorce, constant chaos and instability, periodic homeless-ness YOU. NAME. IT and that was before I was 15. Thank GOD there wasn't reality TV back then because my family would have made headlines on the daily. Anyway, you develop a lot of coping skills when you're a kid growing up in that dynamic, and one of the main ones is that fighter/never say die mentality. Now, in the midst of chaos, that trait is necessary... very necessary. That trait ensures you eat at least once a day, and find a friends couch to sleep on. But 20 years later when life is stable and you're NOT that 15 year old kid in the middle of chaos with no control - its pretty hard to find the "off switch" to the deep set need to fight back against anything that feels like an attack. Every challenge or perceived injustice is met with that developed instinct to stand up, fight the power, deliver karma or unleash the inner bulldog. Even when its not needed or warranted. And what I've learned is, the moment you proclaim "It's official, I am no longer interested in defending myself & confrontation just isn't my bag any more!" The Universe responds "Hey Girl Heyyyyy! Lets see just how factual that proclamation is girlfrannn mmmkay!!" (PS.. My Universal spokesperson is a very tude-filled black woman - and I love her) And before you know it, the test is there, in your lap, waiting to be learnt... Ugh. Now fast forward to right meow - yep, 2018. Oh you thought I was gonna have some neatly wrapped up conclusion with all lessons learned and properly organized in my brains all alphabetically and shit - Welp WRONG! I'm here, 25 years later - struggling and overcoming the same damn lesson. On paper, I understand that trying desperately to control things I cannot - is futile. In action, that understanding goes all the way out the window and I turn into that same defensive ninja who has to step to every battle as if they are all the war.... In therapy a few years back, I had an amazing mentor tell me 'Carrie, when someone says something false or defamatory against you, do you think it gets written on a biblical Post-It and sent straight to God who says "Well, someone said it so it must be true - add it to her file!' And I gotta tell you, that really was such an eye opener for me. OF COURSE THAT DOESNT HAPPEN! No shitty Post-Its from shitty people even make it off the shitty desks they wrote it on with the shitty pens they used to write it! Just because its said - doesn't make it true. And if you sit quiet long enough, and let life play out the beautiful way life always does - the truth ALWAYS rises to the surface and THAT acts as your defense, your light in the darkness, your WHABAM IN YO FACE moment - so you don't even have to lift a finger! This requires 2 things, time & patience. It just happens that patience IS THE HARDEST STRUGGLE OF MY LIFE OH MAN YOU HAVE NO IDEA THE STRUGGLE I HAVE WITH BEING PATIENT!! So, think about this - your greatest lessons are wrapped in your greatest struggles. Testing us every day in so many ways and you either pass and move on, or fail and repeat the struggle until you get it dragged thru enough mud to finally exhaust you into submission.

So, here's what I know for sure... The false story that other people tell of you - is just that... A Story. The more you head into battle over every action or word spoken against you, the further you get from crawling back in that balloon and rising above the bullshit! I know that in some ways it may feel like you're a doormat or being played for a fool - but I gotta tell you, time & patience are your friend. They are slow as shit, but they are on your side so let them do what they do. Shine a light in the darkness. Negativity cannot be met with negativity to find a positive solution. You need INFINITE amounts of darkness to drive out light, but you only need the slightest bit of light to drive out the darkness. Go lock yourself in a closet right and wait for your eyes to adjust. You'll see cracks of light from the door jam, under the door etc.. it only takes a little bit of light to shine right thru the bullshit. So be the light, even when that means staying quiet, not responding or retaliating with the same jabs or actions, forcing your ego to chill, calming that bulldog defense est. 1983 and ready to rock at the blink of an eye - just let it all go back into hibernation mode and let your 2 soul sisters Patience & Time do what they do best - while you just chill in the corner all cute and stress-free with your sassy fishbone Elsa braid humming "Let It Go!"