#Okay

Well look at you: shimmery, shiny and new, in all your 2019 glory! You did good, kid. Made it through 2018 a little bruised and scraped - but smarter and stronger - and that's really all that matters! I'm proud AF of you boo! Am I the only one that hates odd-years? I swear there's an odd-year curse on my soul! Lol okay that's a tad dramatic, but I kick all kinds of ass in even-years and then odd-years come in and BA-BAM it's like a motorboat stuck in mud... For 12 months... In the middle of nowhere... And you forgot to pack snacks... Or charge your phone... That's what odd-years feel like for me! So I am EXTRA damn happy to be done with 2018 :) Now, I'll say this: I learn my biggest lessons in even years. Stuck in that unbearable mud forces me to slow the eff down and LEARN some 'tings. I'll be sharing lots of those lessons with you because they I've lived long enough to know - if it's a lesson learned for me, it can help many others too! With that said, lets talk about "Okay"... Such a simple word, and I gotta tell you it changed my ENTIRE mindset this past year. Let me explain: If you have a crazy-maker in your life, you know the cycle well. My Gram used to say "They can make a sushi roll out of a grain of rice" and that's the best way to describe them. They get the tiniest shred of info on you, after obsessively digging for it - and they make a WHOLE ENTIRE STORY out of it. And of course, it's not a story that favors you. Nope, they don't put all that energy into creating stories that make you look amazing, ahhh nope. Every version of their story on you has you painted as the loser. You know the type I'm talking about right?? Ok so listen, I have thick skin. Actually scratch that, I have SEVERE ADHD so I actually just don't have the attention span for idiotic shit that effs up my flow. The second I feel the shift into negative energy, I'm like "check please, I'm out!" But it doesn't mean dealing with Crazy-Makers isn't annoying. I spent a large part of 2016 being spun in circles, defending myself against LITERALLY the most idiotic shit you could imagine. Stuff that makes me laugh now, but it was annoying in the moment. You see, the thing with Crazy-Makers is - they only have power when you feed them. If you starve them out by disengaging - they die. Best way to kill em - Say "Okay".... You see me in sweats with crazy hair at 7am school Parent Drop-Off, and that leads you to say I was out smoking crack all night with my Jugallo friends? "Okay"... You notice I'm not wearing my wedding ring, and that leads you to say I've been left, destitute, busted and disgusted? "Okay" You see me at lunch with a female, and all of the sudden I'm a lesbian prostitute? "Okay" Say what you say, boo! I know the truth, and everyone who knows me knows the truth - so say what you say! If you are anything like 2016 Carrie, you heard accusations like the wild ass ones above and you flew into defense mode, "Thats not true, I was up late cleaning the spare bedroom because I sold the bedset!" or "That's a lie, my ring is being cleaned because we are getting an upgrade with our tax return!" or "Thats false, I haven't had a lesbian experience since college!" And that's how you feed a crazy-maker. They throw out the insane allegation because they expect you to defend yourself & explain yourself WHICH GIVES THEM THE REAL DETAILS THEY ARE LIVING FOR!! So starve 'em... Give them an "Okay" and keep it moving! The people that matter already know who you are, and they support you for the smallest of accomplishments. The people who will NEVER be your fan, DO NOT MATTER! You could cure Cancer and those same people will find 30 things you did wrong in the process. Stop trying... Give them an "Okay" and shake 'em free! It takes some practice, trust me I know. But getting to a place where you can hear a completely absurd rumor about yourself and instinctively respond with "Okay" - truly means you stand in your own worth SO MUCH STRONGER! And lets not neglect the fact that anyone paying close enough attention to your life, to see or hear something - and take all the time and energy it takes to create a whole story about you around this little sliver of unreliable info AND THEN SPREAD IT TO OTHERS - Oh that's a fan. An obsessed, confused, starved for attention F.A.N. And you don't get fans by being a nobody, friend. So keep doing what you're doing and "Okay" them till the cows come home! xoxo CM